Stage Four - Back on the boards

A 202 mile drive this morning feels like we have definitely moved on. The sun is out and it is hot, the proper holiday hot and we're not in the South of France yet. On first view the city is the sort of city you visit on holiday, light sandy colour buildings and that look of being constantly bleached by the sun.

A very long stage today, meant an early start for the race from Saumur. I can tell you nothing about the place other than it is 30 miles from Angers (apologies for not just typing out a couple of lines from the Rough Guide as I did with the Granville fact yesterday). The stage is listed as another of those flat, transitional stages but on first site of the final km, I think the rise is sufficient to effect the pure sprinters today and could be a Sagan day (Wrong as it turned out).

The drive down to Limoges was a journey of two halves. The motorway half and the lovely French countryside half. The motorway half did bring out the first of the issues with driving around France on your own in a British car. The mere word 'peage' (toll) strikes fear and not because of the €11 euro charge for driving 30 miles (especially when compared to paying €3.50 for 15 hours in a city centre car park) but because of the process.

Step 1 - see 'peage' sign - grumble and shift uncomfortably.

Step 2 - approach booths and change mind which to go in.

Step 3 - drive up as close as possible on the passenger side

Step 4 - panic

Step 5 - put down window but every third time inadvertently pull in the mirrors

Step 6 - unbuckle, handbreak, neutral

Step 7 - heave across to passenger seat

Step 8 - stretch across the remaining cavern

Step 9 - either take ticket or insert ticket and credit card.

Step 10 - 'code bon' sigh of relief

Step 11 - get ticket or card back in the car. This ends the horror of the dropping anything out of the car stage.

Step 12 - throw myself back across to the driver seat with a 50% likelihood of head butting the mirror 

Step 13 - glance up and see the barrier is up - increase panic by 20%

Step 14 - seatbelt, handbrake, gear and pull away like an F1 driver

Step 15 - swear under breath

Step 16 - a mile up the road, remember to close the passenger window.

After leaving the motorway the route was lovely through the French countryside and small towns. I didn't go direct to Limoges. I took a small detour to Oradour-sur-glane what should have been a fairly uninteresting, but pretty French village. However (and if there is ever a time when However isn't sufficient this is it) on 10 June 1944, 200 Nazi soldiers marched into the village at 2pm. All adults were forced into the town square, joined by the children from school. They were split into the men and women and children. By 5pm, 642 people of the village had been murdered. A few villagers were not there that day but some from other villages were caught up in it. One woman, managed to escape from the burning church which was also covered by machine guns to stop anyone getting out. The Nazis set fire to the village but a large part of it remained. The current town was rebuilt a few hundred yards away but the old village still stands as it did when first found after the atrocity. Cars left where they were and the layout as it was. It is now, a guess a museum but more just one big monument and a very humbling experience. Glad I went.

The rest of the drive to Limonges was a dream. The countdown of miles to go, hoping not to hit 'route baree' went down almost to zero but even when I did hit it there was a car park and all was great. 

I managed to get a good spot on the barrier at the 350 metre spot and gently cooked in the sun. Had
the worst examples yet of publicity caravan bullying as a woman stood slightly behind everyone and hoovered up whatever she could, putting larger items inside her trousers, not pockets but in her trousers and then a couple of things were popped in her bra. I didn't care for her much and tried to swat the odd thing away from her with the flag.

Eventually the race arrived, very close to the end of the caravan and the impromptu traffic jam when they couldn't clear all of the race vehicles off the road.  Only very important vehicles are allowed on the route, officials, teams, Police, media...the rest of the 2000 or so vehicles use the 'hors course'. This is the prescribed route to enable anyone who needs to go the finish straight away to do so. You will also find all the bigger team buses and lorries on the hors course. For no-marks like me it's also very useful apart from the end but you can be pretty sure you will get close.

In my hotel for tonight which is full of some of the Tour's catering crew but still I had a salad from the Intermarche for dinner. A nice point to add as I left the car park earlier. Did the above ticket shenagiahans with my pre-paid ticket. Message comes up saying not paid (I had), get out of the car and run round and the ticket pops out and the barrier is up, so I had to run back round the car and rush my way out.

I know many of you are wondering how good my French is as I make my way round France...let me give you a taste, this is a conversation between a woman (w) in Angers last night and me (me). She stops me on the street

W- excuse moi Monsieur (this is clearly wrong but you get the gist)

M - Parlez vous

W - bus? (Pointing)

M - no, sorry (shrugging)

W - no, bye.

Stat zone

Miles covered so far - 1040
Cheese of the day - Pont L'Eveque AOP...amazing but very strong aroma which has made the car smell of it.

Tat of the day - none, very quiet on that front

Days since pizza - 1

Times the peleton has gone past me - 6.

Photo time

 A car left exactly where it was in Oradur-sur-Glane

A Katusha rider leads out the sprint

No idea what this Direct Energie rider is doing into the final 350m of the stage

Cav sprints to 8th on the day and drops to second in the green jersey competiton

Andre Greipel, nicknamed the gorilla, looks a lot smaller than he does on a bike.

Jasper Stuyven looks very happy after retaining his polka dot jersey.

Stage Three - Time to hit the road

After the opening weekend of 'Le Grand Boucle' which took place entirely in Normandie, the race moved on through Bretagne and on to Angers in Loire. I caught the race today in a village called Bille where it appeared that the entire village had decided not to bother with work or school today. The flag flew, the bobble hat was on and we didn't see a spot of rain.

Stage 3 is, like tomorrow, a transitional stage. Designed to take the race from the depart weekend to the next significant stages that could affect the race, in this case Stage 5 and the climbs in the Massif Centrale. While not being significant in who can ultimately win the race the cliche goes that it could lose someone the race. So while the favourites for overall try and stay out of trouble it is the sprinters teams that come to the fore and it is days like this where they earn there money.

This also meant to end of my four day stay at the B&B. I had got quite used to coming back to it after the stage so it will take a some planning as I now move from hotel to hotel until Sunday when I reach Andorra.

No start town for me today, so I can't tell you much about Granville, apart from the fact, that yes, it was in fact named after the 1980's BBC sitcom featuring Barker and Jason. A lesser none fact is that every Sunday, a person is declared an 'Arkwright' for doing something stupid and made to wear a brown apron all week. FACT.

I decided to head for the Feed zone, which is the designated area on each stage where the riders are permitted to pick up their lunch. This is done in the non-scientific way of a man holding out bags (musettes) which the riders grab as they go past. It also means that the race tends to be going a bit slower and is a bit more spread out. (This is all relative of course).

Another good selection of shouts at the flag as I wandered to my spot, lots of 'Froome' today but still lots of Brexit and one slightly aggressive signing of  'Allez Blue'. I turned down the chance of a drink with a group of 20 people having a party in their garden and waved the flag a bit for the old people from a home who had been wheeled out. I also helped some kids collect freebies from the publicity caravan and gave them anything I got (apart from the Haribo and mini madelaine). Afterwards one of them came over and gave me something that Brittany Ferries had given out because it had a Union Jack on it.

The solo breakaway came through, with a very relaxed peleton sorting out their lunch about five minutes behind. From Bille it was on to Angers. My planning failed today and the 100 mile drive took longer than anticipated and I ended up not making it to the finish. I actually arrived in the town as Mark Cavendish was winning with helicopters overhead.

So all in all a fairly quiet day, my hotel room is tiny but the town itself is lovely, a big castle, cathedral and a river what else do you need? It's all street bars and restaurants but narrow windy streets which were nice to explore, watched some street hockey and had a pizza containing an unspecified number of cheeses.

Stat Attack
Miles covered - 825
Miles cycled - still 40
Counties passed through - still 2
Cheese of the day - the remainder of the Tomme and all of the cheeses on the formaggio pizza.
Number of times seen the race go past - 5
Tat of the day - another road sign, which I got post race in Bille.

Blog Extra - French town pronunciation special.

Two pronunciation of towns today, Rennes and Angers. Let's do Angers first. It is not as in 'Peter continually angers his parents'. Say On as if you are putting on a really silly French accent and then when comfortable to continue add 'Ger' but a soft ger. On (silly accent) Ger (softly), well done. That conquered we can move on to Rennes. Now spend a little time looking at the word, play with it, try some alternatives, get a feel for it...ready, right now forget it because the word itself written down will not help.
Step 1 - imagine you are a ticket tout who only uses one side of his mouth to talk, like a spy if you will.
Step 2 - for those who know Father Ted think Father Jack in his chair shouting, if you don't know it, just think like a drunk.
Step 3 - Now the delivery and bare in mind we still haven't yet got to the point of making a sound. You need to start with your mouth half closed, left side open (ticket tout), now turn your head to the left and image that you are throwing something with your mouth to the right. Tossing the word to the right.
Ok, now the word. Start with 'Re'. That's all you need. Deliver Re as per step 1-3 and you will have cracked it, but at the end just put on the slightest hint of an 'n', for closure. Well done. At some point we will cover Reims but that's a whole post on its own.

Photo Corner

Angers castle looking fairly impenetrable 

Lamprey have their mussets out ready

The river Maine running through Angers 

A cathedral

The solo breakaway has a spot of lunch

WIFI at last - Picture special

Race Presentation 

Cave looking less than impressed

World Champion Peter Sagan and Alberto Contador

  

The Sky team in their vintage vehicle 

The B&B - La Beauconniere

Pre-Race Day

A wet and windy finish line at Utah Beach

Stage One

Sky's Geraint 'G' Thomas in final preparation mode

Chris Froome does the same

Dimension Data's Daniel Teklehaimot

French national champion - Arthur Vichot

Proof that me and the flag are really here as the peloton go past.

Stage 2 

Not in the right order but Cav finishing stage 2 and losing yellow.

Cav (again) going to sign on that morning.

The race prepares to start in Saint Lo.

The flag  is draped across the bonnet of a Sky team car (while they ate lunch in it)

A wet Dan Martin returning from signing on

Nairo Quintana - big chance of winning 

A tyre sets off for 112 mile journey

Riders make their way to the finish of stage 2 a long time after the winner.

Stage Two - Let's do it all again

The second stage of the race and the last to be run wholly in Normandie ran from Saint Lo to Cherbourg-Octeville. As a town Saint Lo is pretty nondescript, due to its location it was pretty integral in the early days of the liberation and it paid a very heavy price. The town was almost completely destroyed and at the end of the war it was suggested that the site of the old town was left as a lasting monument, with a new town built over there (somewhere). 'Non Merci' said the town and the old town was rebuilt.

Not wishing to be unkind but Cherbourg is probably even more nondescript. Though to be fair I saw very little of the place as the finish was on a main road about 2 miles from the centre. It is the second time since the war that the race has been here, though before the war the Tour was a regular visitor. One final historical point, one of the principle reasons for a landing at Utah beach was to allow the Allies to get across the peninsula and cut off Cherbourg, to stop the Nazi's getting support to protect the valuable shipping access. By the time the Allies arrived the port at Cherbourg had been destroyed as the Nazi's fled.

Back to the cycling...the stage today was slightly lumpy, couple of climbs early on, a nervy section along the coast where the wind might be a factor and finally an undulating finish, culminating in a short hill to the finish. Known in the trade as a Puncheur's finish. Too short and too early for the race favourites (probably - as I'm writing this at the finish with about 30km to go in the race) or the pure sprinters but perfect for the World Champion and well loved Peter Sagan and a handful of others.

I started my day in Saint Lo, milling about in the rain, this time from behind the barrier as Steve didn't come up trumps a second time.  Watched the teams arrive and the riders head to sign on before  heading down to the start to see them depart. Then hot footing it back to the car for the 60 mile drive north to Cherbourg. I got to within roughly 320m of the finish, which isn't to bad at all. There was a big screen but you had to be in the first 200m to be able to see it and the barriers were full by the time I arrived. So you try and follow the race using apps on your phone and the gist of the French commentator which is pumped over the tannoy.

This meant that I thought I was going to see a lone rider come into view, when suddenly the main bunch of leading contenders swept past.  The hill must have taken its toll because the field was very fractured, with the last rider coming in a considerable time after the winner.

Other notable moments today...
I did a piece to camera for the BBC, cutting from the flag to me, at which point I did 15 seconds to camera (felt like an hour). I actually did it twice because the first time after 10 seconds I couldn't think of another single word to say on anything. I am 100% certain he deleted it as he walked away, so it will never be seen. Thankfully.

There was a heist this morning, in which a highly professional thief was brazen in his audacity. The route is signed through out, direction arrows, instructions for roundabouts, road furniture and these signs are all bright yellow and have the Tour de France logo on them. So this morning in Saint Lo, two Englishman were standing by a lamppost looking at one of these, pieces of treasure, sorry I mean signs. As they did, the hero of the story, sorry, I mean a thief, walks past them, takes out his pliers (oh yes, he has brought his own pliers), cuts the metal tie around it and takes it off the lamppost. Turns to the spectators and nods at them, as if to say you two have just witnessed a professional in action. And then the thief walks down the road clasping his sign and giggling.

The sign was one of the things I had set myself as a must, hence the pliers. I will warn you now, if I manage to get a discarded water bottle (bidon) or mother of pearl, the bag they get their lunch in (musette), I'm going to be insufferable.

Right, onwards to stage 3 and moving on at last...Angers here we come.

Stat zone
Miles covered so far - 630
Times seen the peleton go past - 4
Countries passed through - still 2 and not going to change until next Sunday.
Days since pizza - 2
Tat of the day - road sign(s) obviously
Cheese of the day - a delightful little Tomme de savoie
Times I answered no when the man from the BBC said are you ready - 3
Times the flag had its photo taken by official Tour photographers - 6

Stage One - A little excited

Stage 1 finally arrives, with a stranger at breakfast...Steve. Delayed 5 hours at the tunnel, so only arrived at 1am. Turns out he is a sports agent and happens to represent one of the Sky riders at the Tour...yeah yeah whatever, stealing Dean's interest with your talk of behind the scenes goings on in the world of sports management, whatever bigshot...sorry Steve, would I like what? To see if you can get me a pass into the start village to mingle with the pros as they prepare to start the stage? I think your great Steve.

This is obviously never going to happen. I'm actually set up to do it on stage 12 thanks to a great bloke (😄) who organised it but a pass on stage one, no chance.
Set off for Mont Saint Michel with plenty of time but it soon became apparent that this was another one road in and one road out location, so getting there would be tricky. It didn't help being held up behind the entire publicity caravan (more of which later) which was moving out to get going for the day. Eventually dumped the car 5km from the start and walked in. Flag (Union Jack on a 3m flag pole with Allez Allez written on it) was making its debut and getting lots of interest, shouts of Allez, Allez or Brexit or Anglais or like your flag mate and four Danes sang 'Rule Britannia'. I took up a spot to see the peloton make a ceremonial trip across to the Mont and checked my phone. 'I have a pass for you...if you want it'. I ran and screamed, maybe the other way round but definitely both. Before I knew it I was wearing a yellow wrist band and legally wandering around the team buses and cars as the riders got ready. Now I do realise that this isn't going to sound like a big deal but to me it was. I love this sport and these are my heros. I've also decided to opt out of normal life for 3.5 weeks to immerse myself as much as possible in this event and to live it from every conceivable angle I can, so it is things like this that are above that fan's eye view and make it, well special. So anyway for 45 minutes, I span round trying to take in (and photograph) as much as what was going on as possible. One thing all of the riders have to do each day is sign on. This involves going on a little stage and signing a board. I always felt very important signing on for a race. The signing on guarantees that every rider has to come past the grinning prat, still holding the flag at least once but annoyingly other people were there and some of the riders go off and see family and friends which is very inconsiderate. Anyway it was great and I loved it.

You will be delighted to know that the race finally started (it has been a while coming) and I nipped round to see them coming back off the Mont and towards the race proper. At which point the French
version of the Red Arrows went over. Back to the car and a 90mile drive towards Utah Beach. I will skip past an incident which involved a sweaty tshirt, flour from a baguette and a bottle of sparkling water and skip straight to the attempt to get anywhere near the finish....failed. I decided to head back to Saint Mere Eglise, site of the parachutist and team presentation to watch them come through about 18km from the finish.

The town itself was really busy, so I walked roughly another km out of town, to a nice spot completely on my own, with just flag and bobble hat for company. The first rule of watching bike racing is being prepared to stand on the side of the road for great lengths of time. The second is learn to accept the publicity caravan and enter into the spirit of it. The publicity caravan is a series of floats of companies linked to the tour, sponsors, local specific companies (Brittany Ferries) or places featured in the race (Bern). It lasts about 30 minutes and is normally 2 hours ahead of the race. The real appeal is the things they throw out. I've seen fights develop over key rings in the past. In another act highly unlike me and lest we forget sporting the bobble hat and holding the flag, I decided to actually enjoy it, waving almost naturally, on occasion smiling, shouts of bonjour and Merci every time another freebie was chucked at my feet. Those that don't know me could have easily confused me for someone actually enjoying it. It's a good job I don't care about this nonsense. If i did i wouldn't have set my bounty on the grass to take a photo and nearly pulled a hamstring due to too much bending down to collect the stiff thrown at me. On a slightly quieter day, i will run through my haul.

The next 90 minutes or so are split between updating the race position on the phone (i would recommend cycling news' Tour tracker), doing some admin such as posting a blog or taking it all in. The road is rarely quiet, motorbike Gendarme's racing to the next point to warn the riders, press and VIP's staying ahead of the race, various team cars moving to strategic points, rogue bits of the caravan, TV moving up to get a static shot and this all increases as the race gets near. It all gets faster and more urgent, no one wants to be the one that interupts the race. The next obvious sign is the TV helicopters which will come into view, on the road two Police motorbikes will always be at the front followed by tv motorbikes, and yesterday, some where in the middle of the press and TV where the the two leaders, not a chance of winning but doing there job of getting there sponsors on the tele for a few hours. They are followed by their own team cars, an official race car (always red) and depending on the gap to main peleton, a yellow neutral service car which does what it says on the tin. At the point they went past me they were also getting a timing update on the gap to the peleton from the yellow motorbike that flits between the two all day.

Just thirty seconds later came the 196 remaining riders, stalking to the two out front, leaving them out there until it's time for the sprinters teams to go to work and they are followed by an entourage of team cars and race officials that took over 2 mins to pass. Just like that it's over for the day, I walked back into town and had an ice cream as various messages started coming through that flag and bobble hat had both made it on to the TV coverage.

All in all a great day...just the 20 more stages to go.

Stat room
Miles covered since home - 495
Number of times the race gone past me - 2
Cheese of the day - yesterday's cheeky Camembert
Number of comments when I had the audacity to ask for 3 scoops of the same flavoured ice cream - numerous in English.
Tat of the day - a whole bag of the stuff 😄

Pre-Race Day - Friday 1 July

A slightly weird day today, after last nights presentation it was definitely the calm before the storm, even if that calm was very wet and windy.

Breakfast was with Dean and of course was very pleasant and then the bike made its debut on the (pre) Tour as we (we being me and the bike, like the bike is a separate entity with feelings and stuff...which of course it is) rode a short part of stage 2, taking in two category 4 climbs the cote de Torigny-les-Villes and cote de Montpinchon, and for good measure did the first one again to get back to the car.

In the afternoon I headed over to Utah Beach, obviously famous for being one of the 5 landing beaches on D-Day which so dominates the history and physical landscape of this part of France. It also happens to be the venue for the stage finish for tomorrow's first stage.

Utah is a very wide, flat beach and it is very easy to stand there and try to imagine the scene that day. Obviously impossible, despite some of the original defences still standing to give some sort of backdrop. After wandering around the various memorials it was hard not to look over at the Tour finish being set up and consider that the only reason I can skip and giggle my way around France is because of the actions of so many at that time. I followed this with a drenching as I rode along the coast.

As I mentioned, the Tour finishes at the beach tomorrow and the construction was well under way, I was able to walk along the final 500m like an excitable child, including standing next to the finish line...not on it like the other tourists who had earned that right. The boards were out and the finishing line gantry in place, I imagined what my charge would look like to the line...2 hours after the pros had already finished. The final 3km are dead straight, pretty flat but very narrow for a day one, nervous, fresh, excitable peloton to come roaring in for the first sprint finish.

Back at the B&B, two cyclists from the UK had arrived, cycling down from Caen and were now surveying the 10km of nothing in every direction and working out how to get some dinner.  With an act way too sociable and out of character, I said they would be welcome to come to dinner with me. It was a bit weird but we talked about cycling and ate pizza and i didn't embarrass myself, though I did almost trip up the waitress when stretching my legs out...four times.

So tomorrow it finally begins and strangely I feel a bit of pressure!

Stat Zone - because everyone loves stats
Miles driven so far - 305
Miles cycled so far - 40. cote de Torigny les villes (both ways) and the cote de Montpinchon.
Countries visited - 2 (yes I'm having UK)
Cheese of the day - Despite a 5 cheese pizza (yes 5 (where will it end?)) it was a cheeky Normandie Camembert.
Conversations I didn't start with non-Brits about Brexit today - 0
Conversations I didn't start with Brits about Brexit today - 1

Team Presentation - Thurs 30 June

And so, after many months of planning, talking and planning some more, it was time to fill up the car with surely too much stuff and get on with it. Ferry from Portsmouth to Cherbourg (3 hours) was fine. I did wake up at one point so contorted in my chair that i was immediately in agony with neck ache. Some sort of internal early warning system would have been nice before I reached that level of pain. I did like the name Brittany Ferries had given to the wifi system on the boat....internet@sea, says what it does.

About a 60 mile drive to the B&B, arrived and turned on to a 100 yard drive way to what appeared to be a place way to nice to be booked through booking.com, I immediately reversed and checked my details and the website to avoid any embarrassment. I was greeted by Dean who is an Eastender by birth but spent 20 years practising law in New York State. Dean was immediately the nicest man I have ever met and I was immediately sad for him that I wasn't going to be the guest he always dreamed of. But he made me a cup of tea and he told me the crockery I could use and break, which he wouldn't care about. Not the porcelain stuff he uses for breakfast, he would care about that...err ok Dean.

Apologies to the cycling aficionados out there but the blog has to cater for all...so a bit of background as to why I and the Tour are in Normandie or the Manche department to be precise. The Tour typically has two types of starts (or departs) an overseas one to spread the word and the love or a French one. When in France, it typically is either an iconic location or a nod to something in history. This year we cover both with the start of stage 1 on Saturday at Le Mont St Michel (very iconic) and the finish at Utah Beach (the nod). The nod continues with the start of stage 2 in Saint Lo, which was significantly destroyed in 1944 and rebuilt after the war. As a precursor to those nods the team presentation took place this evening in Saint mere eglise. This was a very significant town on D-Day as it was strategic to moving troops off the beach and inland quickly. Paratroopers were dropped in to try and take the town. One of these paratroopers got stuck on the church spire in the town square and hung there pretending to be dead until the town was taken. The town has decided that the best way to commemorate this event is to have a parachute attached to the spire with a dummy hanging down in full paratrooper uniform forever....hmmm, got to be honest, I wasn't sure. 

So in a town with a dummy hanging from the church and a town square surrounded by d-day or US Army themed eateries (oh yes) how else would you deliver 20 teams of professional cyclists to the stage in front of 20,000 people? Drive them up in vintage military vehicles of course, and that they did. As the photos below will show there was a mixture of awkward, bemused, grumpy and the relentlessly cool in the face of the slightly odd situation. 

The presentation is just a nice chance to get some photos and get a feel for the whole thing before this enormous juggernaut starts to move on Saturday. 

Tomorrow is one of only three days with no Tour until the Monday after Paris, where the race ends three weeks on Sunday. The rest days in Andorra and Switzerland being the other two . It's the calm before the storm so a bit of riding and hopefully tour rider spotting...I have to do something to have something to write about 😄.

Stat Zone - because everyone loves stats

Miles driven so far - 210

Miles cycled so far - 0

Countries visited - 2 (yes I'm having UK)

Cheese of the day - none, only had a cheese panini which doesn't count (US Army themed).

Conversations I didn't start with non-Brits about Brexit - 1

Conversations I didn't start with Brits about Brexit - 2 (one was Dean)

The photos will hopefully be up later but I'm having internet problems being in the middle of nowhere :)